Letter

Date written:

May 12, 2015

From:

Michael A Tassitino

To:

Michael A Tassitino

Letter:

So i am certain you will forget about this in 12 months time, but I am writing you a letter from 12 months ago. As I know you are aware, we often think about what we would say to our younger selves. And, to be honest, we really really wonder what we would feel when talking to our younger selves. Alas, this isn't possible. At least not as of now. interestingly enough we never thought about talking to our future selves. What would we say? what knowledge could I give you to enrich your life? What could I tell you in the future that would make the current me feel more fulfilled? I think the best thing to do is start with the week I had. Last Saturday Meredith graduated college, Jessica got a certification and mom had both a birthday and a mothers day. It was quite the weekend. Dad had a mini stroke or mini seizure. I was not there, but i was on route to the house. Donna, as always, called me to let me know the news. Its amazing how in the mix of the awfulness that she remembered me and how I would feel if I showed up to the house and the ambulance was there. As we both know, he was fine. I do not know if he will be alive in twelve months time, and writing that hurts a little. And I know it will hurt to read, and I'm sorry, but perhaps the single greatest thing I can give you is insight into how I am thinking. Dad is tough. I hope this was a fluke and not the start of something worse. I didn't see him in his off state, but I saw a man in denial as he tried not to go to the hospital. of course, reason will always prevail with him, and after the mandatory dinner of tacos he insisted on, he went to get checked out. Gina and I are fighting. And right before I typed this sentence was the first time she has texted me back in 24 hrs. If there is a god, and he does in fact interfere with our everyday lives, then this was a clear indicator not to write an angry letter, but to share the nice things I feel. Things like how after today I can tell what my life would be like on a daily basis without Gina, and how I want no part of said life. All in all, I could tell you about my life, and You could judge my grammar (but I hope you won't because grammar should not be the focus of a talk with an old friend), but I don't know if I would tell you anything you don't already know. So maybe I'll ask you some questions that I hope you have a good answer to. are you proud of yourself? did you go for something new that you wanted? really try for it? were you willing to do new things for it? did you follow the quote, even though its not easy? are you happy? I'll answer for the now. I am proud. Every mistake and dent in the car wares on my heart, but dammit I am here because of me. I made choices that got me here. pulled myself back from the antisocial brink. I leaped without knowing where I would land. I took extra courses that ultimately got me my first job. And I am happy. A lot is happening right now. I worry about the grandparents. I worry about dad, and I worry that the constant fighting between Gina and I means that maybe things will never work out....but I have hope. I have hope that all of these things will work out. I know I cannot capture who I am as of this day in a small letter, after all I am not the person I am today, I am the collection of who I have been everyday of my life. I hope you aren't disappointed in me or this letter. And I hope you haven't changed too much, because I love you. And I do not say that enough.

Attachment:

Date to be sent:

May 12, 2016